From Back Then and Afterward

by Hark

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Limited Translucent Pink Tape w/ EAV Zine
Cassette + Digital Album
These limited translucent pink tapes come with a physical collaborative zine titled EAV by Christian Perez and Hannah Frank (@astral.wax). The zine is not available separately at this time.

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Includes unlimited streaming of From Back Then and Afterward via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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Balloon Beer T-shirt
T-Shirt/Apparel
These shirts are preorders/made to order. Will only be making what folks order so get em while the gettin' is good!

Please specify the color variant (Gold or Gray) in the notes when ordering! Preorder ends on 2/12/21 and will ship once the shirts are made. If ordered with a tape, all items will ship together.

Local pickup/drop off is an option.

Due to shipping/the pandemic, shirt colors will be as close to what you see as possible but may differ slightly.

Shirt design by Hannah Frank (@astral.wax)
Printed (and modeled) by Soda Prints (@sodaprintsatl)

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Limited Translucent Pink Tape
Cassette + Digital Album
Includes unlimited streaming of From Back Then and Afterward via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.	Life of a Moth 03:00	lyrics	buy track
The only girl that I’ve ever loved Couldn’t name my favorite songs Now I sit all alone again Trying to get along Stoners, Christians, and Atheists Everyone should just fuck off I believe in “I do not know” Live the life of a moth I only sleep on occasion And when I do it’s on the couch Passed out cold from nightly abrasions The war with thoughts and an empty mouth I could survive off a carton of cigarettes And a fucking ton of black coffee I stay up all night writing how I want my life to be In the morning it reads like a eulogy I am a prick to the core A shitty house with a broken door The rats, in hordes, begin to flow in I lie there still, let them bite my skin
2.	By the Book 03:52	lyrics	buy track
They say things get better if you wait Well I say, things get better with some action They say there’s always time to pray Well I say, I’m not gonna sit around on my ass Talking to myself and housing all this wishful thinking Won’t do me any good So I will go and I will leave this place just like I found it Full of shit but by the book You’ve got that bible verse tattooed across your chest Well I’ve got my cigarettes You sleep with your head in the clouds on the way to heaven I sleep just fine in my bed At times I cannot decide on which direction But I’m happy in the search And if my life will damn me to hell with all of my best friends Then to hell, I guess I’ll go So I’ll walk away and finally find a place where I can say That I hate those fucking songs Just because you think your scriptures came from up above Doesn’t mean they can’t be wrong Cause we are men and we are fucked up And I know Matthew made mistakes Who are you and who am I to try to tell somebody How to live their fucking life All I know is that I’ve seen the other side and I’m choosing Oh I’m choosing to be free All I know is that I've seen the other side and I’m choosing Oh I’m choosing to be me
3.	Everything I Sing 03:36	lyrics	buy track
Everything that I sing I have already sung before So I sit and I think Why do I sing anymore? I’ll just show myself the door Once I get up off this floor And I say to hell with this self That I’ve grown to know so dear He’s a friend, he’s a fiend He is something you don’t want to hear So turn away and close both your ears For he’s here to stay, so I fear Such is life And I sing, “Amazing grace How sweet the sound That never sang for me I once was lost, am still not found Was blind and still can’t see Anything” Everything that you sing Oh I’ve already heard before So I’ll sit and I’ll think Why do you sing anymore? You should show yourself the door Once you get up off this floor And I’ll just show myself the door Once I get up off this floor
4.	Achin' Wild 02:16	lyrics	buy track
I’m getting back to you Are you getting back to me These days just make us older We just have to wait and see I’m going to the river Gonna scoop me up a drink And try to cleanse my body Of those things you said to me I’m wanting to go home But I’ll have to wait and see I’m hiding away from you Were you hiding away from me Cause goddamn I can’t remember The last time I heard you speak You’re sipping on your coffee While I’m puking up my drink All these times I can’t remember They really make me think I’m wanting to go home But I’ll have to wait and see If home is still a place And if anyone could ever want me I’m waiting up for you Were you waiting up for me Cause my eyes are growing heavy And I think I need some sleep My back is aching’ wild From the cushions on this couch I’m looking for a savior Something to knock me out I’m wanting to go home But I’ll have to wait and see If home is still a place And if it is, would it ever want me
5.	Driver's Seat 01:11	lyrics	buy track
There are seven pairs of eyes Taped to the wall beside my desk And they never break their stare No, all they do is glare I could help them fly away But I need them just to stay a little more For a little more time While I figure out my life So we will throw up now What we cannot keep down We will skin our knees Fighting for the driver’s seat And that’s alright with me
6.	Wrong 02:06	lyrics	buy track
Do you think about dying? Do you think about how cold heaven could be? Do you think about the long lines? Do you think about the love you might leave? Do you wonder how we got here? Do you frankly just not give a shit? Do you think about Jesus? Have you not come to terms with him yet? I know I do things wrong I know I do things wrong Can I ask you please to stay here? Can I ask you to stop waking me up? Can I ask you just to love me? Can I ask you to back the fuck up? Come over, play a board game And watch me as I get way too drunk Count my friends out on my fingers As the shower water loosens me up I know I do things wrong I know I do things wrong I know I do things wrong You know I do things wrong
7.	Bad News 03:08	lyrics
Feeling small, nothing at all Don’t want to be your bad news I’m a fake and you’re the bait Oh, I could be your bad news You’re in luck cause I’m a fuck It makes it easier to choose A coughing fit or to recommit It’s all just an excuse Because it is you I’d tell the truth Because it is you I’d tell the truth You say those words, they’re so absurd But then I’m shedding my skin Contemplate and miss the train Oh, the places my mind has been Throw it up, pour it in, let it happen again Tell yourself it’s not your sin The morning after all the laughter when you’re damning the sun That’s when the weight sets in Because it is you I’d tell the truth Because it is you I would tell the truth To you Until my face went blue I’d do it for you Yes, I would be true They say you only want something once it’s gone Well I had it, but I gave it away They say you only want something once it’s gone Well I’ve had it, so I gave it away I don’t know what you’re expecting of me When I am screaming at the top of my lungs I don’t know what you’re expecting of me When I am screaming at the top of my lungs
8.	Dead Guy 04:02	lyrics	buy track
I want to be tough I want to have acid in my veins So when I get cut It’s not just me who feels the pain I want to be cool I want to be goddamn interesting Not marked as the fool Though you know that’s all I’ll be, you’ll see I don’t want to hide But lately, it seems like such good fun To imagine I’ve died And watch all the faces of everyone one As they walk on by Some didn’t notice, some did cry And I guess that’s alright For a fucking dead guy I won’t come around I swear I’m losing to my brain With eight bottles down I feel the tension start to fade I’m anxious and fucked There’s no telling moods or days I’m stuck with shit luck As the record just plays and plays and plays and plays
9.	Without You 05:21	lyrics	buy track
Break it up There’s no point in cordial evenings if I do Say so myself Gotta find a way to toughen up my skin And settle down Get out of my house, thoughts, and live again It’s funny how Just a night can change your entire perspective Moved out of town Cause I didn’t want to feel so down and out But it’s not your fault Just imbalances that make me feel insane And I’m not okay But I’m okay cause it’s how it’s gonna be Well fuck it all I’ve far too many loves to be sharing If you don’t want to hear me out I don’t want to tell you how Should your time align with mine Maybe we’ll give it another try I’ve gotta deal with feeling lonely all of the time It’s not your fault it’s just the fabric of my mind It’s fucking old feeling like every step is monumental So simmer down, call a friend, play a record Let yourself feel gentle You don’t know where you are going But it’s something you’ll get through Hate to say that I can’t promise that you Will not end up bruised But I can say that I love you Yeah, I love you, I really do So cut the shit, turn it up, or we’ll dance on tables Without you

about

Hi all,

Thanks for stopping by. It is kind of you. I'd like to share a bit if you'll indulge me.

These songs were written over the course of the past 10 years and have breathed life under many monikers. They weren't supposed to come out this way. A lot of things for a lot of folks weren't supposed to be this way, but if there's anything I've learned it's that absolutely nothing is certain and succumbing to the weight of unmet, self-imposed expectations is a destructive, cyclical track that serves no one.

I've long struggled with self-doubt and, at times, a debilitating lack of self-worth, but I followed a small spark to something I am proud to share. While the headspace that the words of these songs took form in is ever-shifting, they've remained malleable and evolved with me over time and I feel that the intentions persist. Through working with these, finding their new groove, and spending time with my younger words, I realized just how deeply I crave and seek understanding. I always have.

"There were no new ways to understand the world, only new days to set our understandings against." - David Berman

I disappear from time to time and in 2016, I entered emotional exile, both intentionally and not, due to the struggle to understand and be understood within the cards I was being dealt. While this served its protective purpose in many ways, it's time to shed that skin. Those who know, know. Those who don't can learn. Taking care of yourself is taking care of others.

These songs have seen me through times of sorrow, growth, whimsy, grief, and gratitude, and have kept up each step of the way. I feel they deserve their due in some form or another. I hope you get something out of them. I hope there's something here that helps you feel a bit more understood. I hope to share more moving forward but who knows? Such is life.

This one is for my dad.

-Christian

credits

released February 12, 2021

For this release, Hark consists of:

Christian Perez: Lyrics/Vocals/Guitar/Keys/Midi/Bucket/Mixing

Devin Lee: Additional Vocals on "By the Book"/"Everything I Sing"/"Achin' Wild"/"Wrong"/"Bad News" and Additional Guitar Oomph on "Everything I Sing"

Hannah Frank: Additional Vocals on "Wrong"

Mix on "Life of a Moth" and Assembly by Steve Seachrist
Artwork by Rob Scott (@r_u_there_rob_its_me_god)

Tapes by Star Rats Records
Released via Astral Wax Records

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Hark Atlanta, Georgia

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